So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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