yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
