Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
