You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
