you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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