He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
