I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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