Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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