would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
