I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
