so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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