I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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