At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
