im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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