I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm passing your future prison.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
