oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
