I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
