oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
