We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
