Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
