is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
