somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
