Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
