I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
