we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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