Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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