Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
