Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
