So drunk its hurt
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
