Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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