Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
