Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
