There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
