I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
