I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize