Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
