Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
