Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
