Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
