At least make sure they are 18
Why
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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