The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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