Your dad touched me again.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
