Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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