haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
