I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
