Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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