I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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