Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
