i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
