More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
