some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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