I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
