She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Randomize
