You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
