it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize