oh god the rape fog is back!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
