Your face is a jimmy john
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
