Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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