this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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