i jhust puked up my retainher.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
