Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
