On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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