this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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