I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
