i just wanna soil my oats bro
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
