it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
