Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
honey bunches of taint.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
