ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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