The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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