then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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