In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
