If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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