why didn't you poke me back
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
