Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
