We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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