The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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