I am spending my child support on dildos
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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