She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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