69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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