You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
