its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
