i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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